Attachment difficulties

Attachment difficulties with the baby: When love doesn't appear immediately

Society and mass culture impose on us an image of perfect motherhood: as soon as a child is born, the mother is covered by an all‑encompassing wave of love and tenderness. However, reality can be different for many women. Feelings of detachment, bewilderment, or even emptiness toward the newborn are a common, though highly taboo, experience. It is important to know that this does not make you a "bad mother," and this bond can and should be built.

Why does this happen?

Attachment is not a switch that turns on at the moment of birth, but a process that develops over time. Many factors can complicate it:

• Traumatic birth: If the delivery was difficult, a woman may be so physically and emotionally exhausted that she simply lacks the resources to form a bond.
• Postpartum depression or anxiety: These states "steal" the ability to feel joy and closeness. They are among the key symptoms.
• Child health problems: If the baby was born prematurely or required medical care, the first days are filled with fear rather than joy, which complicates bonding.
• Unrealistic expectations: Disappointment that reality does not match the ideal picture can trigger guilt and detachment.
• Personal history: Women who themselves did not have a reliable bond with their parents may experience difficulties forming attachment.

How to build the bond?

Attachment forms through daily routine care and physical contact. Even if you do not feel "love," continue to attend to the baby's basic needs. Skin‑to‑skin contact, holding, talking, feeding — all these are bricks from which your bond gradually builds. This is described in detail by the attachment theory. If the feeling of detachment persists, it is a reason to consult a psychologist.